Giving Children a Voice

Age-Appropriate / Developmental Practices # 6-9

2011-09-20T13:03:00.000-07:00

When correcting a child’s behavior, it’s important to knowwhat your learning message is. Thelearning message should be, “The reason why you are getting involved” and thatshould be to help, teach, create, inspire…. Remember, it’s never about your feelings!

When & Then

When a child becomes distracted by a need or want, thisstatement allows you to explain, in a positive way, your desire / need with outsaying the word, “NO!”

Examples:

Wheneveryone is done with cleaning up… then we can go outside.

Wheneveryone is done with snack… then we can begin Circle Time.

Whenyou’re done washing your hands… then you can eat your lunch.

This approach allows you to give instruction and directionin a positive manner.

If you give children CHOICES, you can hold them accountable.

Children learn faster if they are in control of theirchoices. It is also important to let themknow their choices can lead to consequences. (Must be at least 4 years of age)

Giving children choices shows you about their likes,dislikes, ability to make decisions, and will allow the child to takeresponsibility of their actions through choices.

Examples:

Jonathan,you have a choice, either you can participate and pay attention or you can sit with / by me.

Jonathan,what do you want to work on?

Jonathan,if you choose not to listen to my words… you will not be allowed to playoutside.

Use the word, “REMEMBER” to try and help a child think for a moment.

… Remember the rulesor Remember we already talked about … (describe) gives children a secondchance, time to think, and you the opportunity to help, teach, create, andinspire.

Examples:

Sally,remember we already talk about jumping up and down.

Sally,do you remember the rules about running inside? Remember, we usewalking feet inside.

Sally,do you remember what I just said? OrSally, can you tell me what I justsaid, do you remember?

I think it is important to tell children… you will not or are not allowed to hurt them (their body), and that you are sorry if your voice tone, facial expression, or words scared them.

It is important to tell children this because they do thinkyou can or will hurt them. Childrenbecome very intimidated by adults because we constantly control their life(with little explanation).

It is important to allow children to tell you (the teacher)when you scare or are scaring them. Youcan do this by having children repeat, “Mrs. Sue, you are scaring me!” Then tell them again… they are allowed totell you when you scare them. This alonewill help you understand how a child is interpreting your actions.

If this works correctly, you will notice right off the bat, children will tell you, "you are scaring them" (fear) especially when you correcttheir behavior. This teaches us they donot understand our intention and or approach. Now you will have the opportunity to explain why you are taking acertain stand and your learning message has a better chance of beingunderstood.

In my experience, I find children become scared or fearful(blank stair, a quick, “I don’t know or but she did it”) when adults correcttheir behavior. If this statement istrue… then your learning message (why you, the teacher or parent, are gettinginvolved) is never being received as you are intending it unless you addresstheir fear first. Children do not have the ability to tell you… “You arescaring me”… unless you are telling them to tell you when you do!!

Children are our future and it's our job to help them succeed!!

Helpful Parenting Tips # 11-20

2011-09-09T13:00:00.000-07:00

Remember,listening is just as important as speaking and children always respond to love!

Because my job allows me to be a fly on the wall (observation)... I've learned so much from simply watching. Try watching your child in their environments... see how much you can learn about their behavior and social skills. For the best results... do not allow them to see you!

If children understood our intention or approach to correcting their behavior they would try harder to comply. If they don't have the capability to understand our reasoning, feelings, or time then how you choose to discipline (correct their behavior) will determine how successful you are!

Part of my success with helping children correct their behavior is... I don't take what they do or say personally. I've learned how to teach... instead of scold.

If you want instant success with your child... explore these 2 words... age-appropriate and developmental. They should be on every parent’s radar.

In my expert opinion, children under the age of 6 do NOT understand:
The Concept of Time, Your Reasoning, Feelings, Intention or Approach to correcting their behavior... so if you truly want to help your child... please keep this in mind.

6. While working with thousands of children, I've discovered they don't have malice, are not out to destroy your day, and are doing the best they can with what information they have been given. :o)

I ask children, all the time, to tell me something they DO NOT like that I do. Ask your child and see what they have to say... you will be surprised by their answers.

As I aide / help children with their voice... Interesting how they immediately use the words that help protect them from others. For examples:
You are not allowed to hurt my body!!
You are scaring me!!!
Walk away, please!!
No, thank you!!
This is my work space!!

Remember, school is where children do most of their learning... please don't be defensive or get upset when their teacher mentions a difficulty your child may be experiencing in their classroom.

If I can give you one piece of advice when correcting your child's behavior it would be... IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU OR YOUR FEELINGS!!

Youcan have a loving relationship with your child by learning to see life throughtheir eyes!

Age-Appropriate / Developmental Practices # 1-5

2011-09-08T19:25:00.000-07:00

When confronting a child about an act or possible action they have taken… ask them to, “use their words” to explain what’s wrong, what they did or why they did it.

This word pattern is the backbone behind my philosophy andwill be the key to your understanding of how a child thinks and or interpretsyour actions. It is important to listento their explanations… this conversation will teach you how a child thinks.

When confronting a child about an act (action), most of the time, they will become nerves, scared or unwilling to speak. In these cases, ask the child to repeat your words, as you help them, by giving them the words you want them to use.

Examples:

Nicolas,I need you to say, “I’m not listening to your words!” After they repeat…then you say, “Yes, you are not listening to my words…!” (This processhelps children learn through using their own words.)

Nicholas,I need you to say, “I wasn’t paying attention and hurt Mimi!” Thenadd, this is why we don’t run in the classroom.

By allowing a child to use their words (with your help),helps them understand your reason (s) for getting involved. Plus, you’re teaching the child how toexpress themselves, the correct words to use, and that encourages them to speakin the future. This practice also helpschildren understand the learning message!!

How would that make you feel… or would it be okay if I, he or she did that to you?

This approach is how I place anact (action) back onto the child. Byasking this question it helps children understand why we are not allowed toperform certain behaviors (break rules).

Through out the course of a year, I will explain to the children, in my care, I am responsible for them (their actions) and if they break certain rules (hit or hurt); I can get in trouble.

I will refer to their aggressive actions as “scaringme”! Children relate to fear and thewords get in trouble. I find this helpsthem relate to why I am taking a certain stand.

I use this statement as a reference not out of anger, as athreat or for power. Since childrenrelate to these terms, I find they are more likely to understand myactions.

I believe it’s important to teach children why we are takinga certain stand or getting involved because this knowledge helps them cope,comply, and communicate.

Talking about Consequences (Currency) is important to your success.

Discussing what your students like allows you to use that astheir currency. Children learn fasterwhen they learn by loss of item, privilege or things they enjoy.

Children need to learn that privileges (going outsideto play, extra curricular activities, toys etc…) are earned through theirbehavior and work not a right.

Children are our future and it's our job to help them succeed!!

Successful Classroom Tips for Teachers # 1-10

2011-09-03T07:54:00.000-07:00

Remember, childrendid not wake up to destroy your day!

Before you get to work, each morning, prepare your self for repeating the instructions you gave yesterday, and to remember children have a hard time remembering from day to day. (under the age of 5)

You must control your voice tone, facial expressions, body posture, and hand jesters. Children respond to these messages… not so much the words or instruction you are giving. Remember, ask or require by example… never demand.

Be careful of giving to much instruction… to many details… children respond better if you can keep your words simple… 5 word sentences.

Use the words “please” and “thank you” as much as you can… and smile… children find comfort in you being happy. Feed their positive basket by complimenting their behavior. You must praise children.

Remember, most of the time, you are either scaring a child or making them mad when you correct their behavior. Even if they started the conflict. This is normal behavior for children under the age of 6.

Try phrasing your requests into a question, “Who can tell me one of the rules about walking down the hallway?” or “Am I allowed to run down the hallway?” After they answer ask, “Why Not!” Why Not will tell you who wasn’t listening and how they are interpreting your words.

It’s extremely important after you give a child or the group instruction to ask some students to repeat what you just said by saying, “Mimi, can you tell me what I just said?” This will help you understand who is listening and how a child is interpreting your words.

Part of the reason you may be experiencing misbehavior is your teaching methods are based on your feeling, and or YOU ARE EXPECTING CHILDREN TO remember, comply, and behave. As educators, we are required to teach, help, and inspire our students.

Do not expect or demand from children… we should hope... and try….

Discipline should last about 1 minute per year of the child… get them back sooner rather than later.

Children are our future and it's our job to help them succeed!!

Helpful Parenting Tips # 1-10

2011-09-02T17:12:00.000-07:00

Remember, listeningis just as important as speaking and children always respond to love!

Children are extremely smart when it come to them... not so much when it comes to you or me!!!!

Expecting children to comply is a mistake... as adults, all we can do is "Help" and "Hope" for them to succeed.

If you can control your impulse to get a pay off (punishment) when your child hurts your feelings... you are on your way to being a great parent. PS... This is what I find I have to help parents get passed before they can begin to see life through their child's eyes.

Try using your child's CURRENCY as a method to deter... instead of these statements:
How many times do I have to tell you!!
I told you to stop!!
If I have to tell you again...!!
I'm telling your Father!!
Because I said so!!
Go to your room!!
Time Out!!

If you could see children through my eyes... you would discover how easy it is to scare, intimidate, and confuse them. By understanding this... you will discover how your child is interpreting your actions... especially when it comes to correcting their behavior.

If you want to learn from a child's perspective... simply ask them "do you know why" after you ask a question... you will be shocked by their answers. Another good one is... ask your preschooler / toddler a "yes or no" question and emphasize the word NO... see if you can get them to say yes... and not just repeat the last word they heard... NO! (for the best response... shake your head NO while doing this exercise)

As I work with children helping them learn how to use their words... I find they are willing to share until you scare or threaten them... FEAR BASED TACTICS... yelling, getting upset, and disciplining. Once this happens... children SHUT DOWN!! 99% of the time adults / parents spank because they do NOT know what else to do... sad.

If you want to know if your child understands your instructions simply ask them to repeat what you just said! This one question will help you understand how your child interprets your words.

Please keep in mind that sometimes children do not realize they have made a mistake until after they have made it. Be kind in your approach to correcting their behavior or they will just get mad at you for using fear based tactics.

When you tell your child to apologize for possibly hurting another... they are only doing it because you told them too. The leaning message is getting missed. They should learn to ask... are you okay... do you need any help... I wasn't paying attention. Anything besides a quick, "I'm sorry!" If you ask the child who was hurt... I'm sorry (sometimes) isn't good enough.

You can have a loving relationship with your child bylearning to see life through their eyes!

Parenting Methods - child discipline

2011-01-29T08:55:00.001-08:00

Parenting Help - strategies and techniques

2011-01-29T08:55:00.000-08:00

The Eight Words That Changed My Life

2010-06-14T16:41:00.000-07:00

As I worked with children I found I was constantly asking myself

WHY:

Why don’t children understand my intention and approach?
Why is my method not working?
Why don’t children listen?
Why do I get the feeling I am scaring a child ever time I confront them about an action they have done?
Why do children look at me like I did something wrong when I discipline them?
Even after I explain myself, WHY do children keep repeating the action I want them to stop?
Why do children keep testing me?

These are questions I’m sure every person asks themselves while helping or teaching children. The problem is how do you get the answers to these questions? Well fortunately for you I’m going to tell you how I did it, and it was not easy at first. I found giving up my will was the hardest part.

While reading this please keep in mind I am extremely patient, love working with children, and have dedicated my life to them. Through 25 years of observation, and my interaction with over 10,000 children, I learned my intention and approach—these 2 words— became very important. I thought I was teaching, inspiring, and helping a child grow developmentally, emotionally, and socially but after years of experience I discovered I was really scaring children, being demanding, not listening, and forcing them to do as I asked, with out their understanding of my intentions or approaches.

Putting it all together

I came to this understanding by studying childrens' reactions to my approach, and methods. Listening to children when they became mad at me for correcting their behavior helped me understand their position, and why they were taking that stand. I found the more I realized what a child understood, and at what age, everything started to make sense. As I became more aware of how a child was interpreting my actions, it created me to change my approach. Once I put the microscope on myself, it created me to look at these eight words.

These eight words changed my life...

WHY:

Why do I keep getting angry?

ANGER:

If my intention is to provide a fun, enjoyable, and instructional program why do I keep getting angry, when a child misbehaves or doesn’t comply?

Answer: I found I was getting angry because I couldn’t control my impulse to get a pay off for the child not listening or following directions. I wanted the child to learn and do as I asked, and when they didn’t it hurt my feelings, and then made me angry.

IMPULSE:
I found when a child hurt my feeling or didn’t listen to my words, the impulse to get a pay off for it was HUGE!
Answer: I took a child’s actions, to correcting their behavior, personally thinking they understood my intention and approach; wow, I was wrong. It wasn’t until I learned when a child understood the concept of time, reasoning, and that others have feelings did it become clear. I was deceiving myself thinking anger was helping the child understand “why” I was getting involved or correcting their behavior.

DECEPTION:
By thinking children understood my intention and approach, I was deceiving myself.
Answer: I found this deception allowed me to feel like I now had permission to do and act like children did understand. (I believe that’s why adults yell, threaten, and spank children in public.) Because of this deception it also caused me to feel guilty about disciplining a child, especially after I calmed down or had time to re-evaluate the situation. I found, most of the time, I realized that my actions my not have been appropriate. Once I discovered I really was deceiving myself, it made me re-evaluate my approach. I found this is where “if” I didn’t have so much experience I would not have known what to do. I would have felt stuck, frustrated, and probably thought I wasn’t doing a good job. This is another form of Guilt.

GUILT:
Even though I was trying hard to help, inspire, and teach I still felt guilty about correcting a child’s behavior. Sometimes I felt I was taking my in ability to teach, and holding it against the child because my method wasn’t working like I wanted it to. Just because I was patient, tried hard to help, and believed I was doing right by children wasn’t enough. Feeling guilty was how I always felt after the fact…. When I took a better look at my approach I realized “why” my method wasn’t working. It was because I convinced myself that a child understood my actions to correcting their behavior.

INTENTION:
Just because I thought my intention was good didn’t make it so. I believe this word can be difficult to understand. I say this because I have heard thousands of people say the same thing I’m saying. My intention when working and teaching children is to help, inspire, protect, and teach…, all the good things that will benefit a child. With that being said, then my approach became very important to achieving my goals.

APPROACH:
Through my approach is where I learned I was making all my mistakes. Guessing, getting frustrated, being selfish, or in a hurry, and not paying attention to how a child was interpreting my actions, were my down falls. These are all products of not being exposed to years of education on child development, psychology, or being an expert. Besides a select few, no one has this information. Wanting to educate yourself so you can help your child will be the only way for you to really create a successful approach. Knowing why you are getting involved will make a huge difference to your success.

LOVE:
Because I took out the time to educate myself, listen, and stop thinking about my needs is when I began to really understand the word L O V E! I found this word to be very complicated. Just because I loved a child didn’t make my actions okay; just because I said I loved a child doesn’t mean they believed me. It took time, patience, and understanding before I could tell a child really believed me when I said, “I loved them!” Just know you can not fool a child, they know when you are paying attention. Trust me when I say, "just because you say you love your child doesn’t mean they have to believe you." Once a child felt save and began to trust me, only then could I tell when I said I loved a child they believed me.

Protecting children with their words and mine
If you want to know the answers to a lot of your questions I wrote The Gymnastics of Love & Discipline, A Parental Template for Giving Children a Voice to give you knowledge, guidance, strategies, and communication techniques that have worked for me, with every child I have come in contact with. Sure with some children it took longer but after time every child understood they could trust, feel safe, and knew I was going to help, teach, and protect them with their words and mine. :o)

Controlling your Facial Expressions, Voice Tone, and Body Posture

2010-05-24T14:27:00.000-07:00

Coach Bruce, why doesn’t my child understand me? When I confront her, she looks at me like I did something wrong!

Receiving your learning message
Paying attention and controlling your facial expressions, voice tone, and body posture will help your child receive your learning message. If your intention is to teach instead of scold, you must control how a child perceives and interprets your jesters/actions. If you don’t, they will become scared and begin to learn out of fear. When a child becomes scared, they become defensive. They stop thinking about what they did and start thinking about what you just did. Children get mad because they do not and are not capable of understanding our learning message when scared. Take fear out of the equation, and your child will begin to learn through consequences and Child’s Currency. Using word patterns to support your intention and approach, creates a child to learn responsibility and accountability for their actions.

Children pay close attention to your
Facial Expressions: especially your eyes, they tell a child most everything. Children mainly understand from reading your facial expressions and have been since birth. If you have a mean face while talking to your child then just know, you are always scaring them and your learning message is being replaced with fear.

Voice Tone: again, children have been paying attention to your voice tone, not your words, and certainly, not your meaning. It takes time for children to understand what words mean and to put that with an action they have done; just because they repeat your words does not mean they understand your meaning. What they are interpreting is the part that only pertains to them, not you.

Body Posture: using jesters like pointing, hands on hips, or cowering over a child scares them. If your intention is to help or teach a child then your body posture becomes very important, it can tell a child what your approach is going to be. When a child misbehaves or doesn’t comply if you can be more cognitive about your body posture, it really will make a difference with the child.

Children are doing the best they can
Paying attention to how your child is interpreting your jesters and actions will help you understand why they don’t comply, or receive your learning message. Taking these steps also helps take a child’s fear out of the equation, so you can start having conversations. Your child is not out to destroy your day, they are doing the best they can with the time they have been on this earth. Remember, you can have a loving relationship with your child by seeing life through their eyes.

Having a Conversation - word patterns

2010-05-23T11:27:00.000-07:00

Coach Bruce, why doesn’t my child listen to me?

Having a conversation

As I taught and interacted with over 10,000 children being able to control any situation with my words, and having my intention and approach be discussed, helped a child understand why I was getting involved, increased my confidence and self-esteem, and gave me a support system that worked. Knowing which word patterns to use and why you are taking that approach, will allow you to have a conversation with your child instead of just telling them what to do.

Word patterns
Using word patterns allows you to explain “why” you are getting involved, so your child can understand your learning message, they help take fear out of the equation, so your child can learn through consequences, they provide a support system for you, so you can feel confident about your approach, they open the door to communication, and can be extremely educational for both of you.

Placing an act back on a child

Knowing how to place an act back on a child by using word patterns like, would it be okay if I …? When they say “no” you must ask “why not”? (if they don’t answer, help them with your words by having them repeat “I wouldn’t like that”.) If they answer, they will say “because I wouldn’t like that”. Either way, I want to talk about what they did because it allows me to introduce the next word pattern. How would that make you feel? When they say “it would make me sad” that’s when you can introduce your feelings or intention. That’s when you can say “it makes me sad when you…”! Only then, will a child begin to understand why you’re taking a certain stand and that something they did caused you to get upset.

Being held accountable for your child’s actions

Another effective way I found to explain my learning message was to tell a child, I can get in trouble for their actions. This helped them not think I was being mean. Instead, it allows a child to take responsibility for their actions through communication which is what my intention is. Explaining to a child about responsibility or accountability is how I handle all situations. I want a child to understand it’s their actions that are forcing me to get involved, it’s not because I want to. It’s my job to help and protect them and if I don’t, I can get in trouble. Children relate to “getting in trouble”!

A sequence

I will take the above stands / actions every time I get involved because this is how children learn to predict your actions, just like they do whey you punish them. Only this way, the learning message doesn’t get missed it gets discussed.

Popular word patterns
Instead of quick commands or threats, try using these popular word patterns:
I need you to look at my face.
I didn’t mean to scare you.
Do you need a hug?
Would it be okay if I …?
How does that make you feel…?
When you …, that hurts my feelings.
I need you to use your words, not your hands.
You are not listening to my words.
Do you need my help?
Do I need to get involved?
I need you to control your body.
Be gentle.
I need you to walk away.
Your body is scaring me.

I can help
In my book, The Gymnastics of Love & Discipline, I break down how, when, and why using these word patterns work. Remember, you can have a loving relationship with your child by seeing life through their eyes.

Why Do We Teach Our Children Through Fear

2010-05-19T14:09:00.000-07:00

Coach Bruce, help!!

People are constantly asking me, “Why doesn’t my child listen to me?” or “Why isn’t my method working?” Then that’s usually followed by “How do you get my child to listen to you?” or “I’ve noticed you don’t have to ask my child twice! Why is that, what are you doing?”

Focusing on what I just did

In my 25 years of teaching children, I have discovered as soon as I scared a child they stopped thinking about what they did, and started to focus on what I just did. That’s why children get mad when you discipline them.

Children getting upset

I’ll give you some examples: your toddler will hit you and say, “No”! Your preschooler will cry a lot and think you’re always being mean. Your 6 – 9 year old will give you a blank stare, a shoulder shrug and say, “I don’t know” or point a finger and say, “But they did it.” Your pre-teen will say, “I hate you!”

A child does not understand our intention and approach

All of those answers are telling me the child does not understand my intention or approach, so I need to address their age-appropriate developmental understanding. If I don’t, I know my learning message is being missed and replaced with fear. I find if I address the child’s fear first instead of expressing my anger or frustration, I get the best result. I know as soon as I get upset the child is paying attention to my facial expressions, voice tone, and body posture, not my words, my intention, and most importantly, my learning message. Figuring out when a child understood concepts like time, reasoning, and that others have feelings helped me stay calm. Basing my actions on a child’s age-appropriate developmental learning scale showed me how to have a successful approach.

Addressing their fear first

I gained this approach by learning when a child became scared, what happens when they do, and why they can’t be expected to understand our learning message under those circumstances. Honestly, I understand children are not capable of accepting blame or punishment, but that’s not what I’m after in the beginning. I’m after the learning message, and that can only be understood through communication, trust, the lack of fear, and time---not threats or quick commands. When a child is scared about getting in trouble for an act they have done, you have to address their fear first before the learning message you want can be understood. Fear affects how children respond and learn. With that said, children don’t comply because adults are requiring them to answer questions, and understand their learning message, all under circumstances the children cannot handle. Then parents punish them for it; no wonder children get mad.

Replacing fear with trust, communication, and love

Here’s what I do: after I confront a child about an action they have done, there are a few ways I can go about approaching them. One way is, instead of getting upset, I ask the child if they need a hug, which helps them calm down, especially if they become scared or upset about an action I have taken. The other way is, I tell the child he or she doesn’t need to be a scared of me; I didn’t mean to scare him or her. I take these approaches every time because I know confrontations scare a child. It’s important for the child to know that I don’t want them to be scared. I apologize for scaring them first, so I can begin to teach instead of scold. This apology is “the key” to calming a child down so they don’t feel threatened, so we can talk. It’s not based on my forgiveness or me being soft; it’s based on my approach to a child’s age-appropriate developmental understanding, so I can resolve the situation, and most importantly have my learning message understood. Only after I address the child’s fear will I discuss what just happened.

A child learning out of fear

Here’s an example: say you have asked your child to pick up after themselves, and they don’t. You get upset, and start yelling or threatening. The next time they pick up after themselves, they’re doing it because they don’t want to get in trouble (fear) or because you told them to (threaten). The learning message should have been that they made the mess, and they need to learn to clean up after themselves, and the importance of living in a clean environment. See how your learning message is getting missed and replaced with fear? Even if you say, “I’ve told my child over and over!” What I’m saying is, you have told them over and over while they are experiencing fear. That’s why your learning message isn’t getting through. I think it’s important for all adults to know: when you confront a child, most of the time, they’re scared and paying attention to your aggressive actions--not to your words, reasoning, will and learning message.

Your mistake

By getting angry, yelling out quick
commands or threats, and thinking your learning message is being understood, and then holding your child accountable under those circumstances, you keep repeating your mistake. I also think part of the reasons adults get angry or frustrated is because they think children understand the concept of time, reasoning, and their (the parents’) feelings. Just so you know, I have done many tests with children on the concept of time, and I have learned children do not understand this concept until ages 9-10.

Take fear out of the equation

A simple apology or hug, knowing what words to use, and letting a child know you can get in trouble for their actions: I have found these actions to be successful approaches to taking fear out of the equation. Handling all situations like this, I discovered work every time. Remember, understanding how, and why children don’t comply based on their age-appropriate developmental scale, then basing your approach from there, is “the key” to stop guessing.

Understanding your intention and approach

Just know, as I took anger and frustration off the table it was much easier for me to see my mistakes, and that leads me to look at these next eight words. Why, Anger, Impulse, Deception, Guilt, Intention, Approach and Love. I will break down these eight words, in an upcoming blog, because they showed me how my intention and approach wasn’t working. These eight words changed my life forever.

Taking a positive teaching approach

Now that you know your approach is scaring your child, and the learning message is getting missed and replaced with fear, you can take a positive teaching approach, and correct your child, so they can begin to learn through consequences, not fear. I will take about consequences or Child’s Currency in an up coming blog, so please look for it.

Reference and Resource

I hope this information helps you understand "why" children don’t always comply. I have also built a website, CoachBruceBenko.com, with answers based on a child’s point of view, and will help you with direction. Remember, you can have a loving relationship with your child by learning to see life through their eyes.

Helping adults understand children

2010-05-11T11:08:00.000-07:00

Creating change

In order to create change we must learn how to understand our intention, so we can take an approach that is based on how a child interprets our actions. Children in today’s world have adapted to advancement and technology, by learning how to mimic. Mimicking is one of the main reasons adults misunderstand children. By only paying attention to the child’s exterior emotions like crying or throwing tantrums, and not how the child is interpreting our actions is the reason adults get angry.

Creating a successful approach
Learning when a child became scared, understood concepts like time, reasoning, and that others having feelings is the key to creating a successful approach. Knowing a child is actually paying attention to your facial expressions, voice tone, and body posture, not your words, learning message or intention will help you calm down, so you can begin to teach instead of scold.

I can help

I have taught, observed, and studied children my entire adult life. I wrote The Gymnastics of Love & Discipline, A Parental Template for Giving Children a Voice to help adults understand "why" children misbehave or don't comply. My communication formula and age-appropriate system is based on how a child interpreted my actions, so I could create a successful approach. If you are frustrated because your method of communication or discipline is not working, please let me know, I can help.